In a perfect world Android would have continued with the Gingerbread look and feel and Nokia would have jumped on board producing the first PureView device with the Android OS and a 16MP camera with perfected daytime and nightime shooting, whether it be clear and sunny or poorly lit. The device would be dual-core with 2GB of RAM and 32GB of internal storage and sport Nokia's Clearblack display. The innards of the device would lend themselves to future OS upgrades beyond the shipped OS and then some. The bootloader could be unlocked, and the device could be rooted but many would not see the need as it is nearly stock Android with enhancements made by Nokia - particularly in imagine and social networking.
Future versions would upgrade to a quad-core processor and 4GB of RAM, allowing for high resolution photo/video editing and manipulation. The phones would offer expandable storage, the latest in screen technology and be among the more accessible and user-friendly Android devices on the market. The signature cyan devices would also come in multiple color varities with few if any being carrier specific. None of the Nokia devices would be Nexus devices - a distinction saved for the Google-owned Motorola Mobility. Eventually Google would purchase Nokia, primiarly for the name and respective patents but also to bolster their hardware line up, marrying quality between Motorola and Nokia into a unique device all its own. Using the Nokia name, the Nokia Genesis would release in April 2015 alongside carrier supported Google Voice with SMS and MMS capabilities through not only Sprint, but AT&T and Verizon as well. Sporting an energy efficient quad-core processor and a staggering 6GB of RAM, the device runs a fairly simplistic Android OS that features blazing speed and stunning colors.
The Genesis also sports an amazing 41MP camera, taking digital photography on smartphones into the realm of DSLR quality. With cloud access on Google Drive, photos are uploaded in the background on high speed data networks to provide seamless sharing. In a partnership with AT&T and Verizon, the backbone is provided to allow these super phones to stream 1080p HD content over the internet. In a promotion for the device, a live episode of Saturday Night Live is broadcast using the device(s). The following Monday the first telecast of the NFL is done using multiple Genesis phones.
Then it happens - Steve Jobs appears in a Google ad.
I told you all the time I was going to destroy Google. Beginning Tuesday morning, Google will cease to operate and has now instead been acquired through mergers by Apple. The Nokia Genesis will no longer be available for sale globally, and will be subsequently replaced with the iNokia by Apple. You will find many of the same great features from the Nokia Genesis in the iNokia but with the always reliable and trustworthy iOS framework.
The Genesis, which was incorrectly valued at $199 on a two-year contract will be replaced with a 16GB iNokia. For a 32GB model you will pay $399 on a two-year contract and for 64GB we believe we have offered a real value at $599. These units will sync directly with iTunes and iCloud. Lastly, applications such as Facetime and video streaming will be subject to availability of WiFi.
In closing, I know you all thought I was dead. You are correct - this message was recorded prior to my passing and edited in iMovie to digitally age me and remove the effects of cancer. I asked Tim Cook to restore this file from his Time Machine exactly two years after my death to begin the restructing of Apple to serve as a catalyst in acquring Google. We now own Disney, which includes Marvel, Lucasfilms, Pixar, Dreamworks, PepsiCo and Fox News. We also own a controlling share in T-Mobile, which will now be shuttered as we sell spectrum back to AT&T to clear the FCC roadblocks created as a result of that purchase. We plan on purchasing Verizon within the next 72 hours, provided that James Earl Jones can be contracted to provide voice overs for our commericals and the Verizon guy will start wearing black turtlenecks.
In October you all will see the relaunch of the NHL, called iHockey. Our innovative research and development teams have already provided what will be the iPuck, iStick and the iSkate. Innovations which will not only dazzle and amaze the crowd as they cheer on their hometown team, but will help recharge their iNokia's during the game and organize their playlists in iTunes. The iScoreboards will feature coverflow technology using augmented reality from the iNokia's camera. Point your phone to the scoreboard and instantly begin to swipe data to the side to reveal in game stats, your phone's battery level and what your mom posted on Facebook. Fans at random will see their phone's content displayed for the entire arena at times.
We are also pleased to announce Facebook has agreed to rename their service after litigation over the unfair use of Facebook which could confuse consumers looking for Facetime. CompleteWasteOfTime.com will be relaunching this winter - keep an eye out for it and don't be surprised if we've already picked out your friends for you.